“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I will meet you there.” ~Rumi
A Vision
I
was lying on my back, listening to a CD of meditation music. My eyes
were closed and inside my mind I saw myself in a field of white daisies
with the sun shining upon my face. I was holding one daisy in my hand.
Beyond the hill where I stood I saw a person dressed in white
approaching me. When he did I gave him the flower in my hand. Then many
people began to come, all dressed in white, all faceless, nameless
beings one right after another. I gave each one a daisy and as I did
another would appear, and soon all of us were holding hands and
daisies, in a circle.
In
this vision humanity came together, one person at a time in a continual
circle of oneness. This is the vision I hold, knowing as each one of us
becomes whole, we reach out to the other and we join in our circle of
one.
“Life is a series of awakenings.” ~ Sivananda
For
at least 17 years I have been on a journey of conscious spiritual and
personal discovery and awakening. I believe there is an idea present,
which holds there is perhaps one moment of awakening when we are
forever changed. I suppose this occurs, but for most of us we awaken
gradually over time- lots of time.
My
journey began while growing up, as many of us do, in a ‘broken’ home.
My mother was addicted to drugs, men and alcohol. My father, although
physically present was unable to fulfill my emotional needs. I don’t
share this for sympathy or to place blame. I share it because it is
often our human experience to be born into circumstances, which are so
foreign from where we come from.
When
my 8-year-old daughter Lilli was ages 3-5 she talked about a place she
called Love. Although her beautiful descriptions escape me now, she
talked about it with knowing and confidence that this place called Love
is indeed where she came from. It is where we all came from.
Feeling
in foreign territory, which was my upbringing, I chose to stay
connected to this place called Love; and to shomehow find my way out
and through the 'dysfunction' of my upbringing, which is a large part
of our human experience. This process led me to years of traditional
therapy, groups, classes and self-help and spiritual books. As I delved
into my past I journaled, which allowed me to make conscious
connections to current issues with past events, therefore healing old
wounds.
For many years I
so hoped I would enter a place where no such inner conflict existed and
I could be free forever more. However, all I realized is the journey
gets deeper, more expansive and often times more complex. There has not
been an end for me so far, and I don’t expect there will be anytime
soon. However because of the inner work, the soul work I have done all
of these years, I find moments which bring such joy and expansiveness I
am often moved to tears and smiles. I feel grateful I have begun this
work sooner rather than later, and I keep moving forward within it all.
Today
I hope to share what I have learned within my self. I hope to offer
what I have come to find as stepping-stones or road signs along the
way, which can bring comfort and guidance along the way, for those who
are choosing to awaken to their own work and being-ness. I anticipate
meeting you one day in that field of daisies where there is no right or
wrong, only peace and knowing we are all ONE; in the place called Love.
Namaste,
Nikki
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